The Letter
by 1983Sunny
Summary: 17 years after Ana left her family, Phoebe now 19 years old wants nothing more than to find her mother and demand answers for what she did. When she finally finds a lead she decides to follow it, but soon she discovers that nothing is what it seemed to be. ONE-SHOT. *Tissue alert* A/U, NO HEA!


_**This idea came to me while I was working on my other stories and wouldn't go away. I decided to make this a one-shot, because it would be too painful to write this as a full story. If someone is not a big cry baby like me and can deal with lots of drama and heartbreak, feel free to take this idea and make it a full story. Also I wanted to say, I'm by no means a Ana or Christian hater, I love these characters, but this idea just wouldn't go away and since I've wrote it down, I thought I share it...**_

_**Phoebe**_

I stare at myself in the mirror, looking at the pale brown-haired girl with blue eyes to big for her face. I have seen this face all my life. Not when I look into the mirror or at pictures of myself, but when I look at the one picture of my mother that I have. My aunt Kate gave it to me. I know my dad has many pictures of her, but we are not allowed to see them. He still hates her for leaving us, for betraying him. I was to little when she left. I have no memories of her. Now at 19 years old, I look just like her and I know it is hard for my dad to look at me and not see her.

My aunt Kate told me that my mom was the love of his life. That they had this special bond and that no one could understand why she did what she did. My dad doesn't even speak about my mother, though he is happy now. He found another woman and married her five years after my mother left. I really like Claire, she is like a mother to me and never made a difference between my brother Teddy and I and my two younger siblings Matthew and Alissa which she had with my dad. Though deep down, I have this wish to find my mother and talk to her, just once. To hear her side of the story. To understand why a woman who claimed to be married to the love of her, who loved her kids just cheated on her husband and left her him and the kids.

I was only 18 months when it happened and we have never heard of her again. My dad had to file for divorce in her absence because not even the court could find her. No one was able to find, but I want answers. So for the last 10 months I have done all I could to find her and came up blank. It's like she just fell off the face of the earth. But I wasn't willing to give up and finally I found something. My aunt Kate told me that the man with whom my mother cheated on my daddy is called Jose Rodriguez. He was a friend of my mother when she was still in college and that he left the state of Washington with her.

I hired a private investigator and he found this man for me. He now lives near Seattle with his wife and two kids. Maybe he is still in contact with my mother, maybe he can tell me where my mother is. And that is why today, when I should be in college I will drive over to his place and talk to him. I never felt so close to discovering something about my mother and I'm nervous, but I have to do this.

I leave my bedroom and make my way downstairs. I still live at home, mostly to give my dad some peace of mind. When I mentioned that I wanted to study overseas he was so worked up about it, that I decided to study here in Seattle instead. I guess you could say I'm a daddy's girl, but I just love my dad and I want him to be happy.

Arriving in the kitchen he is having breakfast with Claire and my younger siblings.

"Morning" I smile at them sit down and pour myself a glass of orange juice.

"Good morning, Phoebe. So what are your plans for today?"

"Nothing, just learning at the library after my classes are over." I lie and thank god my dad doesn't see that I am lying.

"Do you want Luke to drive you?"

"No, I'll just take my car, you know that I don't need security" I want to roll my eyes but stop myself, knowing how much my dad hates this habit of mine. But it is true, I don't need security. I'm trained in five different martial arts and much to my father dislike my grandpa Ray taught me how to use a gun. If someone was stupid enough to attack me, he or she would be in for big and painful surprise.

I leave the house after breakfast and drive three hours until I arrive at the house of Jose Rodriguez, the man my mother chose over her family. I get out of my car take a deep breath and when I'm at the door I knock and wait. Just when I think no one is home a man in his 40's opens. He is good-looking, but not even close to be as handsome as my dad. So, it couldn't have been his looks which made my mother chose him.

He looks at me and his eyes fill up with tears while a sad smile comes to his face.

"You are just as beautiful as your mother. You must be Phoebe, right?" he asks and I nod.

"I'm looking for my mother. Do you know where I can find her, Mr. Rodriguez." I ask clipped and he continues to smile.

"Straight to the point like your father. Please, come in. Ana knew that one day either Teddy or you would be looking for her and find me. I have all the answer you are looking for." he gestures for me to come in and I follow him inside his kitchen were he offers me something to drink and we sit down.

"What do you know about your mother?"

"Besides the fact that she is a whore who cheated on my dad in his own house and that he walked in on you and my mom naked in his bed?" I ask getting angry for what this man and my mother put my father through.

"There are always two sides to every story Phoebe. What I can promise you is that I never had any sexual relationships with your mother. She loved your father, she loved him so much, she was willing to do anything to protect him."

"Don't lie to me. He walked in on you!"I snap, I have heard this story to often to believe anything else!

"I know, he came home and found your mother and me naked in bed, but we never had sex. Come, let me show you something." he says leaves the kitchen for a moment and returns with his jacket.

"I thought you wanted to talk to me."

"No, your mother will explain it all, that was what she always wanted. Please, follow me." I frown and suddenly I'm not sure if I can do this. My mother is here? Oh my god? Has she changed her name and is his wife now? I just stare at the man who has all the answers to my questions and finally I get up and follow him outside. He walks with me into the woods which are surrounding his home and finally we reach a beautiful glade with countless wild flowers and tall grass. It reminds me of the meadow at my parents home and suddenly I see it.

No, this can't be true. This can't be happening, but the closer we get the clearer I can see the headstone next to a stone bench. I feel like my legs are about to give up and when I'm close enough I read the inscription.

_**Anastasia Rose Grey **_

_**09/10/1989 - 03/15/2016**_

_**If you have found your one true love in life than you achieved all that really counts**_

I sit down on the bench and just stare at the grave of my mother. How could this happen, she died 9 months after she left us. I can't understand it. How is it possible that no one knows about this.

"Your mother wanted me to bury her here. She bought this the house and the land that surrounds it. My wife and I are the only ones who know that she is buried here." I hear Mister Rodriguez' voice.

"Why? What happened to her and how can she have all the answer, she is dead" I yell at him and start to cry. All this years I wanted answers wished that she would care enough to call on my birthday, send a letter or just a lousy card. But she couldn't she was lying here buried, this is not fair.

"All the answers you need are in here" he says and hands me a letter.

"Your mother wrote this letter for you. I have two more one for your brother and one for your father. She asked me to give them to the first of you who would come here. I will wait over there. Take your time" he says and walks away. I just stare at the letter in my hands. The first and last letter I will ever get from my mother. On the envelope is only one word. Phoebe. She had a beautiful handwriting, I think to myself and take a long deep breath before I open the letter and start to read.

_To my beloved daughter, Phoebe_

_First, I want you to know that I loved you with all my heart. I know you probably won't remember me. You were too small when I left, not even two years old and there is nothing that I regret more than leaving you, your brother and your father behind. If I had a choice I would be with you and hold you in my arms, kissing your beautiful little face instead of writing this letter which is all you will ever have as a memory of me. Now that you are reading this letter, I know you are grown up and just as beautiful as I thought you would be. I don't ask you for forgiveness, because I know it is hard if not even impossible to forgive me for leaving you and your brother at such a young age. But maybe I can make you understand. _

_My real father died the day after I was born, I can't remember him, but my mother married Ray, your grandpa and he was the best father a girl could ever ask for. And this is what I wanted for you and Teddy. To have a mother. A mother who can do all the things with both of you I wish I could have done, but I knew your father would never remarry if I wouldn't make him hate me, make him want to move on. _

_10 months after you were born I had my annual check up at the hospital and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was located so deep in my brain so there was no way to remove it. I didn't tell your father knowing he wouldn't survive to lose me. Don't think I just gave up, I didn't. I saw countless specialists, but the result was always the same, the all told me that I would have less than a year to live and that it would be a slow and painful death. I'm not afraid to die, in my life I had more love and happiness than many people have even if the life a hundred years. _

_My only worry was to leave my children and your father alone. Christian always used to call me his light, his life-line. I knew that if he had to watch me die slowly and painfully it would kill him too, that he would never recover and I can't let this happen. I love him too much. So I made a plan. I knew that the one thing he would never forgive me was if I would betray him and our love. Jose was always a good friend of mine and when I told him what was going on with me and he saw how desperate I was he agreed to help me. _

_I made your father believe that I cheated on him and that I wanted to move on without him and our children. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, but I did it out of love. _

_I did it so he would feel free to find love again, to give you and your brother a new mother, one that could watch you grow up and support you in your hopes and dreams. This is what I want for the people I love the most in this world, to move on without having the thought of my death in their life every day. I know now that you have this letter and the letters for your brother and father they will find out too, and that is okay. _

_By now so many years have passed that your father will be able to look back and think of all the happy times we had without having the memories of me slowly dying. I want to be remembered as the woman I was, not what this disease has made of me. _

_I want you to know, that I loved you with all my heart and that I will continue to love you even after I have passed. I don't know what happens once a person dies, but I promise you that I will find a way to watch over you and your brother. I will never be far away Phoebe, this is my promise to you. _

_Love, your mom_

I read the letter twice more and I'm sure that I have never cried so hard in all my life. I hated her at times and now I know that she never stopped loving us. I don't know if I can forgive her for the choices she has made, she could have stayed with us or let us know earlier, but I also admire her now and feel love for her. She loved my dad so much, she didn't want him to see her suffer, she was willing to die in the knowledge that her husband, the love of her life hated her, just to spare him the heart ache of watching her die.

I sit there for a long time just staring at her grave and when my tears stop Mister Rodriguez comes back.

"Did she suffer?"

"Phoebe you don..."

"I want to know, please, I need to know" I beg him and he sits down and looks at my moms headstone.

"At first she had headaches all the time, the medication she had made it easier, though she lost a lot of weight. She could barely keep any food down. We had a nurse here to help her. As long as she could she would come here and just look at pictures of her family. She told me this place reminded her of the meadow at your home. This is why she wanted to be buried here, she said here she felt the closest to her family.

Two months before she passed she lost her sight. This was the hardest for her, she couldn't look at her pictures anymore, but she told me if she closed her eyes she could still see her family and that she could see in her dreams. From this point on it all happened very fast. Her doctors had her on very strong medication so she wouldn't suffer much. For the last week she couldn't leave her bed. I was with her when she passed. It was very peaceful, she had a smile on her face as she took her last breath.

"What were her last words" I whisper as my tears start to flow again.

"It was your father's name. She whispered his name took one last breath and then she was gone. I had a priest come here and after he left I made good on my promise and buried her here. I stayed in the house and to look after her grave so when you or your brother would come looking for her I could show you her grave.

"Can I come back?"

"Phoebe this, all you can see here belongs to you and your brother. Your mother asked me to keep it until you would come here. You can come here and visit your mother as often as you want."

I nod and sit there a little longer, but then I decide that I have to go. I get up touch her headstone.

"Goodbye mom, I will be back soon. I love you" I whisper and walk next to Jose back to his house still not able to stop crying.

"What the fuck have you done to my daughter, Rodriguez? Don't you think it was enough that you stole my wife, now you want my daughter, too." The voice of my father is like a thunderstorm and Taylor is giving his all to hold him back.

"Daddy, no please. It is not what you are thinking. I was looking for my mother, I wanted answers." I tell him and run over to him as he is standing at the SUV.

"Phoebe, I don't want you anywhere near this man or the woman who gave birth to you. Claire is your mother!"

I look at my father and try to think of what to do. If I let him continue to believe that my mother left him for another man his life will continue as it has in the last 17 years, but I also feel that it wouldn't be fair to my mother. No one even knows that she is dead. And I don't want the people she loved to remember here as a woman who cheated on her husband and left him and her children and never looked back.

"Daddy, I need to show you something." I take his hand and lead him to the glade.

"What is this Phoebe. Why is someone buried out here?" he says as he sees the headstone, but I continue to walk until we are close enough for him to read the inscription. I hear an audible gasp from my dad and his hand grips mine tightly.

I reach into my purse and get the letter my mom wrote for him out of it.

"Here, mom wrote this for you. I think you should read it, daddy. Maybe you will see her differently after reading it." he takes the letter sits down on the bench and I give him some privacy and take a walk through the woods. When I return my father is still sitting on the bench and is talking to the headstone while tears are sliding down his cheeks. I have never seen my daddy cry, but I know he needs this.

"Your mother was the strongest woman I have met Phoebe. So, so strong." he says and gets up to hug me. "Let's go home. There are some things I want you to see. Things I should have shown you and your brother a long time ago." As we walk back I see him turn around to the grave and if I'm not mistaken he whispered 'thank you, baby' but it was such a hushed whisper that I am not sure.

**_One week later_**

I think I have never shed as many tears as I have done over the last week. When we arrived back home my daddy went to the attic and returned with a huge chest that was filled with pictures and home videos of my mother. I have spent days looking at the pictures and watching all of the videos. The one of my first birthday made me cry the most. My mom and I were wearing the same white dress, my dad told me that my mom sewed them herself for my birthday and it was so amazing to see her holding me, laughing and just being the mom I always wished I had.

Teddy came home from New York and it was also the first time I saw him crying. We all cried a lot, but it was also healing for us as a family. Today we will have a private ceremony for my mom at her grave. My dad, Teddy, uncle Elliot, aunt Kate, uncle Ethan, aunt Mia, both my grandparents, Taylor and Gail will be all there so we can celebrate the life of my mom.

Knowing now what a happy and positive person my mother was, I asked my dad if we could all wear white or something colorful instead of black. He liked my idea and we all have white and red balloons with a personal note for my mom.

When we arrive I listen to my family sharing their favorite memories of my mom with all of us. We all have to laugh a couple of times and also cry, but it is a beautiful ceremony for a woman who loved us all with all her heart.

I look one last time at the note and attach it to the balloon. As I let it fly away I smile at the sky remembering the words on my note.

Thank you, mommy. I love you, always. Phoebe.

_**I'm sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes, but I was literally sobbing my way through this...**_


End file.
